You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
