Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
