As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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