I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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