they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
