Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
