Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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