Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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