I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
