Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
