my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
