I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
