i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
