Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
