if only i could text you this smell
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
