I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
