you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
