cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
