6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
