In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
