17 year olds will be the death of me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
