Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
