NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
