So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
