Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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