so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
