There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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