you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
