She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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