just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
