and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
