I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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