i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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