If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was confusing and full of hummus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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