Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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