Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
