Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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