My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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