I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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