Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
