The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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