hotel room ftw
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
