It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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