You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
