I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
