just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
