Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
