I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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