We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
