I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
