I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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