there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
